ELLLO, ELLLO, ELLLLO, ELLLLO, VEEE-EEEEEEEE, ELLO ELLLLO ELLLO

(repeat 10 thousand times and you have just learned the words to Ashlee Simpson's creative masterpiece). I am not an Ashlee Simpson fan, in fact I think she sucks. But, that damn song is catchy, especially when you are running on the treadmill and all that you have before you are 3 television screens set on MTV playing this song. I have chose this, albeit turning out to be pretty lame, beginning to my blog because I am not going to gloss over things - today's blog is mostly about my love life. I used to pay a therapist to listen to my mundane, trite relationship problems, but, I am embarrassed at this point to go into her with the trivial issues I am seeking advice on. "Sometimes he is really cuddly and sometimes he isn't - men!! Makes me crazy. What should I do?" I know she is dying to say, "Get a fucking life." But, that is the beauty of money - you can get people to say what you want to hear if you are paying them. I realize this and if I ever have seminal issues I will go to her, but in the interim this diary of sorts is going to have to do.
Here's the quick and dirty to bring you up to speed so I can just start my stream of consciousness. I have lived in NYC for about 7 years now - every since I graduated from college. I absolutely 100% love the city; it took me about 3 years to say that and really mean it. But, single women in the city have it rough. Especially if you are a Catholic girl from Missouri. Ie; if you are "normal." I fully expected to graduate college, work in the arts, meet a nice man and have 2 children by now. After blowing through 3 long term relationships all NYC based my expectations of how my life is going to turn out has changed immensely. First of all, apartments - talking 400 sq rooms - average $1600 a month, and that's if you are lucky enough to find one that cheap. So, after working 3 jobs for 2 years to make ends meet in the arts I moved into finance. Do I like finance? No, it is so boring and the people who work in finance are boring, the room I work in is boring. I try hard to like it, but the thing I like about it pretty much exclusively is that it pays well. So, ideal picture characteristic one - smashed - no more arts, all finance.

Secondly, well secondly is the crux of this blog, relationships are tough period. But, you compound the stress that one can bring with the complexitity of NYC and at times you become mental. Depsite my best intentions, I go back to those - "I should be doing this, I should be at this point" feelings at times. It fucks with my head, because honestly I am happy. I am happy AND in a great relationship, not BECAUSE I am in a great relationship. I have to remind myself and write it down so that I am reminded so that I stay away from the evil pressure monster. Otherwise, I start to define myself within certain boundaries and that is dangerous.

I would and should end on some uber creative note - but, I started with Ashlee Simpson and it would be misleading if took you to a place that you are not going to today.