DA CHEET!!

I have no time, but, I’m feeling the need to let loose with the inner monologue. It’s for the sake of the quality of work that I take this 10 minute break to free my mind. The Cheat is a character on www.homestarrunner.com, he amazing. He is by far the cutest character. He makes these little squeaky noises and makes a good sidekick for the ever feisty Homestarruner. Sometimes I wish I was The Cheat. Just squeaking through life when something affects my mental stability. Make cute little noises that no one understands instead of shitting out a stream of consciousness. Ideally, I wish there was one person who could always listen to the dribble and insecurities and when I was finished be able to not be affected by my words and not over think them and just smile. AND, then go through each bullet point I had put forth and tell me how silly each one was and how I should concentrate on all the positive things and forget the shit. Basically tell me everything is perfect and they love the insecurities and mood swings. God, am I woman or what? But, I do have that with a few people, it is nice, comforting – dare I say boring even? Yet, even when I fight with these people I still feel loved and secure. How do you tell someone you love to do that; to be that way? You don’t. It sucks, because until that is achieved the fear of that person leaving is real. It’s a catch 22. With people that it just doesn’t happen with naturally I have yet to find the quick (key word) and easy way to get to that unconditional state. You can’t tell someone to not be afraid of the words you say and the actions you take with more words and actions. I grew up with a father who I love dearly, but he tried that his whole life. IF we sit here and do that it will be EXACTLY this way! Wunderbar!

So, what does this mean at this very moment? Nothing.

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door. (Now that’s funny).