My Life as Kathy

Thursday, March 08, 2007


I think we all have worked or went to school or in some annoyingly long time suckage capacity been involved with someone who was so nice and chatty that they drove you to the meanest version of yourself. My present place of employment has one of these people sitting within 10 feet of my office. She is 67 and just moved to Florida full time so that her husband can enjoy the outdoor weather more readily. He recently had a stroke and at their last residence up North his muscles would act up due to the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, whoa - what happened! I dozed off. Ok, well - this is the funny thing about her. She is super nice and super chatty - but, her "stories" frequently have macabre or crude endings. They always start off really positive "Kathy, do you have time for a quick story?" Real Me - no, get the fuck out. Reality Me "yes, of course!" Chatty proceeds - "There is one thing I will tell you about being a good parent. Remain strong, be decisive and protective - yada yada yada - and then Tommy was found hanging from the blinds. Committed suicide!" Me - What? What happened when I zoned out - who is Tommy - this story went from me wanting me to commit suicide to me dying to hear what the fuck Tommy's mom did to bring him to suicide. Always I swear, Chatty's stories start off super happy, upbeat and then before you know it - whammy, they end with something sick and wrong. Chatty - "John and Rick were looking at those plants. They are near budding. I can get them super cheap at Walmart next time I go. Yada, yada, yada. But, I knew that they were saying that they looked like dicks!" I swear I am not making this up. She is like Holly Hobby's Grandma on meth. The thing is I have zero capacity for not answering people if they are talking to me. I always feel like - what if it were me, I would feel like such an idiot. Not to mention the stories are usually regarding someone's health, my boss, or her children. Things that would be just down right rude to ignore. Chatty - "My physical went great. EKG came back wonderful. Yada, yada, Yada. My blood pressure was sky high and my finger was bleeding profusely." I mean, how do you ignore this conversation. ANYONE, I would think would want to say something. Like "Wow, why is your blood pressure so high, and why was your finger bleeding." But, you know then there will be a follow up "story." I wish I knew how to handle these situations better. One day I am going to lose it. I have lost it in the past on people like this. My very first job, I was told by the "super nice" chatty person to "get off my high horse bitch" after I went ape shit on his gregarious ass. One of the best laughs of my life came from that interaction, suprise element was bar none. I can't do that to this woman though, I mean look at her. Chatty just piped in "The grandbabies are coming in this weekend!" I'm going to have to quit.