What is it about people that even in this day and age the only acceptable place to live over the age of 30 and not be married is New York City. I live in a standard small town, minimal culture, people with four year degrees are considered smart per se, slutty girls are considered "pretty." I hate small towns, but, I also kindof just adjust wherever I am so I don't hate this town. What I am getting the shits of are the small-town married people. Married people with the attitude that they are intuned to some inside secret. Married people who secretly wish you were married too, why - not sure, but their secrets are out nonetheless. Married people who back out last minute because their tired or because significant other does not like for them to co-mingle with a single woman. Now, yes, there are exceptions. Well, there is one that I know of here - she is very independent and is an anomole. I am trying to figure this whole married people thing out. I an not pensive typically, but this has got me thinking. Mostly, because I keep getting my feelings hurt by these people. So, it has me re-evaluating things. I don't believe in the bullshit inside secret insinuation. I have a baby and prior to having one talking to mom's I would always feel inferior because they would go on rants about kid stuff and I just knew I was never going to have a child and never fully know their "pain." Well, I did now I know those people were just small town assholes who revolved their whole life around someone else's life. People that took on too much because they were looking for something in someone besides themselves. I love my daughter more than life, but do I stay home every night holding her and writing poems about the joy she brings me? Work on my fucking scrapbook? No, and you know why? Because that would make me an asshole with a big fat scrapbook collection that no one gives a shit about. I like going out, I like talking to people when I'm out, I like to listen to live music, I like to experience life. I don't just say that, because everyone would say that - I do, I make plans, I do it. I want to meet someone, but I am not sure I want any more kids. I want to share my life but I don't want to run through my life exhausted, stressed, arguing, always fucking tired with sick kids and a needy husband and still have time on my hands to over analyze. It's just tough because I have crazy wanderlust by nature and being in an environment where the people that too want to "experience life" are 25 years old, and younger, is making me a bit nutty. Now, I should say there are those that have kids and the whole nuclear family thing and totally thrive on it and I LOVE these people because they went down the right path. They don't bitch and moan and never have time for anything or anyone besides their families - because they are not stressed, they are happy and fulfilled. My friends in NYC are like this. A very good friend of mine just had a baby and I know she will be like this. Walking the line with a swagger. Suburbia sucks because the majority of it's population consists of lost people who did what they were supposed to because otherwise they would end up like me with all their friends analyzing them - why is Susie single?! She pushes men away. She has crotch rot. It makes you insecure, it makes you wish like hell you would hurry up and find someone, it's a shame honestly. I heard a quote today it just really fits what I am willing to wait for. Love is friendship on fire. I love that.