I went to watch my nephew play hockey on Saturday (picture to follow - forgot my camera). It was more of a tryout/learning to play hockey/skate thing. Only an hour long, but to a bunch of 4-7 year olds it seemed like eternity. I find this hour one of the most humorous and entertaining of my week. I enjoy doing these things by myself, because it is rare that people will get my inner monologue and laugh with me. So, I find myself cracking up the entire time by myself. I'm sure I look like a freak. None of the other parents/guardians/nannies are watching the kids. They are eating nachos and french fries and hitting on eachother. (Observing them could be just as entertaining or depressing - depending on day's mindset). One point was especially funny. My nephew, Parker, did his drill and flew back to the line stopping by landing on his ass (standard stop). But, when he got up instead of looking forward, chatting, etc. he punched the kid next to him in the stomach. That kid, about his same size, took his stick and hit Parker's leg. Mind you they are 6/7 years old, not playing a game, just skating around individually and doing drills. No need for a fight. He was pushing this kid who was grabbing Parker's stick. No one stopped them and then Parker was up again for the next go around the cones drill. I asked him when he was done what was going on. He didn't know what I was talking about and said he didn't know any of the kids on the team and that he was famished and needed nachos immediately. Of course, being me, I said absolutely not and tell me what is going on with that kid. Again, he said nothing. I was more curious than anything. So, I said what is the name of your coach? He said "Coach" and that he was probably married. I said, well, good for him. Then he went onto say that I needed to find a husband since I am having a baby and that "it is going to be hard and I can't do it alone". He followed that statement by asking me again for nachos. I then of course said yes, I had to shut that kid up.

I want an animal. I would love a dog, but, I know that is not even an option. So, the backup is a cat. Which you know I will likely be sick of in 6 months. What I really want is a man, but, that ain't happening anytime in the near future. I like this Man-Cat (above) - I like the fact that he has a ID tag on. It shows me he's responsible, someone who won't give up, who would never leave his cat wife, especially if she was pregant with his kittens. He's a trooper. He's not especially that handsome, but, he tries. He is wearing lip gloss for god's sake - ok, that is weird. Why do we/me/women need men so much? Then when we have them, typically, we just bitch about them? Because they typically deserve the complaining, yes that's true. I have never been one to need a man. Honestly, it's true. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 21. I cherish my independence. I miss knowing I will be alone forever. Not really alone, but in charge of my own life. I met a non nice non man-cat who really threw me for a loop and now I feel the burden of responsiblity towards him. I have to alter 34 years of thinking, acting, etc. In order to make my life not miserable, I have to befriend this mean non man-cat. He wears lip gloss too, I should mention that. Sorry, but, lately all roads lead back to this NNNMC. We have conversations every night in my head. Sometimes I am telling him off and we're going no where - lose lose. Sometimes, I am super friendly and he is distant and hurtful. And, then sometimes I am business like and so is he - and that makes me so sad. I wish we could just be how we were together apart. Why not? Wouldn't that be easier? How come no one operates like that? They should. Only difference with us is no sex and proximity - neither of which I miss. Has to be a reason I am here at this point. Tonight when I wake up @ 2am we'll talk about that - I wonder how I'll be and I wonder how he'll react. At the very least I think I am going to have him wear that little red cowboy hat - sans the gloss though, can't take him seriously then.