How amazing is this picture? For some reason I find myself thinking about my last snowboarding trip. I should start by saying - I suck. I am not average, I am below average. But, there are many many things I enjoy about the sport and I am driven to get better. Which for me is as good as done - once I get my mind on something I become very motivated to follow through. Especially because everyone who knows how talks about how easy it is - that aggravates me but at the same time makes me hopeful.

The first time I went last season I went with my best guy friend. We had such a blast. I think I got worse that day. It was his first time and he was better than me. I discovered that it is really fun if you squat down and fly down the mountain. I must have looked like a real idiot, but, I could not stop laughing and it was just easy fun. The best kind. We vowed to go like a hundred more times that season, but, I met someone and did not have time to go visit my best guy friend a state away.

The next time I went I went with my then boyfriend. He is very good and very serious about the whole learning process. I knew it was good for me and he was just trying to help me. But, I was so nervous and everytime I fell I felt like I was letting him down. It was too much pressure for me. I have never been into sports because of that reason. I just want to have fun. When I have to be perfect or perform a certain way I start beating myself up. Plus, I fell, hard - really hard - like 5 times. Once right on my head, which must have looked pretty funny considering I was just getting off the lift and slammed my head down right under the chair on the ice. You could hear something crack - I think I dented my helment.

It's an interesting thought to compare the two trips - the two people. One, so easy and simple - uncomplicated, but, by being with him am I furthering my abilities, am I learning, am I getting better? The other, serious, plan in mind, all kinds of advice on techinique. Just different people. But, the trips so different too. One so confident he didn't care, one so caught up in what other people think, how he is perceived. I like aspects to both. I am too self conscious, but it is difficult to be with someone who is as well. Two alike people, being perfect, acting perfect, hoping people like us for what we are presenting. (Flashback to trip w/guy two) "Wait! I can fix the tire in the sleet with this old bobby pin and a pair of tweezers!" guy two saves the day, he's so dreamy! "I will clean the entire kitchen and help prepare the dinner!" myself - she's a real catch guy two, and so polite! Too much pressure. I remember looking over at him one night when we were all sitting in the living room at the resort. His legs about 4 feet apart, holding court, full on smile, holding his beer like a cool guy, talking about something that I had no idea about - something intellectual, like the G-8 Summit. I remember thinking, I have to take his picture because I can not believe I am dating this guy - who is this person. Really, who is he? I had no idea. I was with him and I had no idea. I don't think it was possible for me to really know him because he didn't know himself. I had to delete the picture later, I was embarassed. (His legs were so far apart). He would have never been the guy to squat on his board going 100 mph down a mountain "just to see how it feels" or jump with high knees on the trampoline because it looks so silly. I just couldn't relate. There are good points to being the way he is, but, I need a bit of both. So much of my life is spent looking for these hidden treasured moments.

I can't wait to go boarding again - I'll get a lesson, but, when no one around you better believe I'm squating also.